Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945) was a Lutheran pastor who became involved in the Resistance Movement against Hitler, and ultimately in a plot to assassinate the dictator. The plot was discovered, and Bonhoeffer was sent to a concentration camp. Two weeks before the camps were liberated, he was executed at the age of 39. He left behind an incredible legacy through his letters, writings and sermons.

In this issue, I've chosen a passage from Bonhoeffer's Letters and Papers from Prison, 109 for reflection and contemplation because it perfectly describes a particular aspect of the coach/client relationship. I'm confident that Bonhoeffer would forgive my using his thoughts slightly out of context. The quote is as follows:

"Those who had been bombed out came to me the next morning for a bit of comfort. But I am afraid I am bad at comforting; I can listen all right, but I can hardly ever find anything to say. But perhaps the way one asks about some things and not about others helps to suggest what really matters; and it seems to me more important actually to share someones distress than to use smooth words about it. I have no sympathy with some wrong-headed attempts to explain away distress, because instead of being a comfort, they are the exact opposite. So I do not try to explain it, and I think that is the right way to begin, although it is only a beginning, and I very seldom get beyond it. I sometimes think that real discomfort must break in just as unexpectedly as the distress."

So, what does this have to do with coaching? First of all, a coach's primary task is to listen, even when nothing is being said. Secondly, the coach asks questions relevant to the client's agenda, thereby guiding the client deeper in his/her Knowing Self, wherein one often finds the answers. Think of Elijah's experience with YHWH in the Hebrew Scriptures (I Kings 19:11-12). The Lord was not found in a rushing wind nor in an earthquake nor in a raging fire, but in "sound of sheer silence" (NRSV). It is not the coach's responsibility to comfort the client with cliches and platitudes, rather, to truly empathize with the client. Often this empathy takes the form of pure, unadulterated silence. A time when neither coach nor client is speaking. It is often in these moments that the greatest work is accomplished and the client is gently guided to his/her own solutions, comfort, and release. Silence is often very uncomfortable, a fact I'm sure many of my readers can relate to. We want to fill up the gaps with words, regardless of what they are or what their affect might be, etc. So my challenge to you in this issue, is to learn to become comfortable with silence. For some it will come easily, for others it will be more difficult, but see if you can stand outside yourself for a time each day and just observe your way of being in the world. Are you constantly filling up the gaps with words, or are you genuinely a better listener than a talker? Be attentive to yourself. And remember, as a Spiritual Life Coach, I am committed to nurturing this quality in you any way that I can, but know that it will often involve asking the right questions, followed perhaps by long silences. Don't worry, it means we're definitely on the right Path. Peace be with all of you.

"The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to keep still." Exodus 14:14 (NRSV)

WEBSITE(S) OF INTEREST:

The Center for Progressive Christianity: http://www.tcpc.org


UPCOMING EVENTS:

Please join me on Saturday, October 7, 2006 at 9 a.m. PDT for an hour-long telebridge round table discussion on the topic: "Identifying and Overcoming Spiritual Obstacles". Admission is free (other than the long distance charges you may accrue based on your calling plan), but there are only 30 places, so don't hesitate to reserve your spot now by calling or emailing me: (541) 535-1558 (Pacific time) or gavin@whitehawkspiritcoaching.com . This will be a great opportunity to get to know me personally, experience my coaching style and interact live with like-minded others. I look forward to "seeing" you there!


RECOMMENDED READING:

John Shelby Spong, Resurrection: Myth or Reality? A Bishop's Search for the Origins of Christianity, Harper San Francisco, 1994.

(My thumbnail review: This book is a page-turner and reads like a detective story a la Sherlock Holmes...Bishop Spong is relentless in his quest for truth and intellectual honesty...)

Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, Pocket Books, 1984.

(My thumbnail review: As many times as I've read this book, I constantly find something new...it's like a gold mine of insight from a survivor of the Nazi concentration camps...a must read.)

Until next time, I wish each of you the peace that passes all understanding. Be strong. Stand firm. Trust your intuition. Rely on the Spirit. And keep asking those tough questions.

"Knock and it shall be opened unto you."

Warmly,

Gavin

Gavin W. Young, Jr., M.A., M.A.P.M., C.T.A.C.; Founder and Ceo (Creative Executive Officer):

Whitehawk Spirit Coaching, LLC